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Holy Ghost…
How am I to define it?

Well, you can’t define it. It’s best not to even try to. If not, you’ll lose it.
It’s something way beyond definition. It can’t be painted using words, nor can it be painted into anything that uses our senses.

But I can tell you one thing. I am saved.
Ah yes… God sees the Holy Spirit in you. And I know that I am saved through that.
How I know that I’m saved?

Easy. The blessing I received last Friday.

Before that, allow me to just tell you about the quest. The search for One.
Firstly,
I thought the Holy Spirit is just some kind of "conscience" given by
God to us. It tells you what is right and what is wrong.
But to tell you now, I am wrong.
In
the Holy Bible, the word "Holy Spirit" kept appearing. As if it is
highlighting itself. And one day, I got to know that the Holy Spirit IS
God.
It’s actually very simple. When Lord Jesus was nailed by us on
the cross, His blood cleansed us. And the miraculous gifts He possessed
were given to His believers. It’s called the Holy Spirit.
Joel 2:28-29
: "After I have poured out my rains again, I will pour out my Spirit
upon all of you! Your sons and daughters will prophesy; your old men
will dream dreams, and your young men will see visions. And I will pour
out my Spirit even on your slaves, men and woman alike, …"

If you have noticed, I mentioned that when you have the Holy Spirit,
you’ll start to do miracles. Just like what Lord Jesus did during His
days. By reading the 1st Corinthians 12:6-10, you’ll know that
there are nine gifts of the Holy Spirit. Now, don’t get it confused
with the fruits… These are gifts, you don’t grow them, you get them.
Like Christmas gift from Santa, you’ll have to be faithful to get it.

Once, Winson preached about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I was
interested, but then I started thinking. Am I not worthy enough to get
its gift?

Ah yes… It all started on a Friday (15/2/08). Pastor James blessed
me, and it felt like all the burden have been lifted away. It felt
good. When I entered a trance state, i visioned
three-orange-rectangular shapes, and the word: Call Others.
When
Winson said that it meant me to get the others to INFUSE, I started
working… hehe… And guess what? It was easy to get them, as if a
strange force was helping me!

Then, one day, Matthew borrowed me two books, Baptism by the Holy Spirit and The Holy Ghost and Their Operations.
I’ve
read it thoroughly and was shocked (I meant amazed) by its contents.
Hmm… if I start explaining now, my blog would be EXTREMELY long, so
it’s better if I just tell you the most vital parts.

While reading the book, many questions came upon my head. Like; What’s the difference between the voice of the Holy Spirit and conscience? How would I feel once I get the Holy Spirit? and the most vital question; Am I worthy enough to get the Holy Spirit?

Like in the book, I prayed and confessed, and thought of love for
God. Then, I slowly opened my mouth. Okay, here’s the good part. Allow
me to present this verse first:
Psalm 81:10 : "…Open thy mouth wide, and I shall fill it."

To my horror (and amazement), syllables just came through my head
and my mouth. At first, the alien word formed slowly, and then stopped
as I have lost my concentration immediately after that. And I first thought I was just making those words up.
When I went
back to focus, a sentence just came out of me fluently. Then, I started
singing in an alien tongue. And this is one of the Holy Spirit Gifts.
It allows you to pray in an unknown language without you knowing its
meaning, except if you have the other gift, which is the gift of
interpretation of tongues.

But that’s just the small part of it. Ever since that, my head is as
lively as ever. Last time, my brain would be working smoothly for the
first five minutes of the day, and then blunder around like a zombie in
a horror movie. Now, the songs of the Lord kept drifting in my head
twenty four-seven. And I’m even joyous than ever. Last time, I’ll
smile, but the inside would be filled with unimaginable stuffs. Now,
I’ll still smile, but I’ll also jump around as well. Hard times do
come, but it’ll be erased of my mind in a few seconds!!! Why? I get to
solve them immediately without stress!

Exams also passed by, and I did not study at all (as usual :P). I
answered the exam based on what ran through my head, and in the end I
found many careless mistakes. But it didn’t matter at all. I just don’t
know why. Last time, I’ll get so bunched up when I have found that I’ve
made such mistakes. And I have something else for you to guess… for a
person who did no revision, I did quite well in my exams!!! Wakakaka

Okay, then it was last Friday (7/3). Pastor Kul blessed me
He prayed for my Holy Spirit (amazingly, I’ve never told pastor that
I’m looking for one). Then I went into a trance. This time it was WAY
much longer. And it was about a baby. AMAZING!
Then when I’m in the car, Lawrence brought up about the birth of Jesus
from the Book of Luke. At that very instant. I knew what the vision
meant. Yes.
THE BIRTH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT IN ME.

Haha… If you’re a
Christian, you’ll understand what I am saying. But have you experienced
it? Just have faith. You’ll get it. If you’re not… maybe this blog
can influence you as well as I have influenced my other friends? Haha.
But one thing’s for sure. The Holy Spirit has boosted my life.

I am here because…

Yeah, go ahead. Complete it. There’s one thousand and one answers to that
question.

But one was fixed at my mind. The other is new.

"I am here because I have evolved from a single cell.
And I was created on a random act of nature."
Well, to be honest, that was was I thought in the beginning. This was because I
tried to find logical answers to all that I’ve been through, and science was so
in my life that I thought that it was the one and only way.

But now… My eyes have opened.
Come to think of it, is it true that DNAs were formed when chemicals randomly
reacted to each other? Oh my, to form even the simplest RNA would take up to 10
billion years to form randomly from just the basic elements. Imagine the number
of years it would take for a cell membrane to be formed randomly…and for the
mitochondria…and for the Golgi complex…and for the nucleotides…and for
the…and for the…and for the…

But wait a minute… Isn’t the age of Earth is only 4 billion years old? (as
what scientists have claimed)
Oh ya, let me point this out: There was a mass calculation of the age of Sun
done by NASA, and it was claimed that more than 23 hours have been missing from
its life length.
Does this proof that scientists have failed to to proof that there is another
explanation for all of these?
Remember, there are lot’s of miracles happening in this world. How could
science proof it. One example is Michel de Nostradame, or Nostradamus, the
famous Scryer. He was originally a poet, but all of his poems turn out to be
from the future. And Adolf Hitler and Napoleon Bonaparte themselves used
Nostradamus’ works, while ordering the mass burning of other copies.
Nostradamus predicted their death, and as a result, both of them (Napoleon
& Hitler) suicided in the end of the war.

OK OK, back to my point. Why science chooses to contradict? Theories are
theories, and they are not correct until proven. I mean, if evolution does
exist, where are those species that should exist in between gorillas and
humans? There should be many species linking them, don’t they? And what about
chimpanzees? If they are 98.9% similar to humans, why can’t they have 98.9%
similar tongues to humans and talk 98.9% like us? Why can’t they have 98.9% of
the human’s intelligence?

Can you explain to me how we store our memory in our brain? Is there a hard
disk in your brain where permanent data will be scribbled? Or maybe there’s a
CPU that processes your reactions and intelligence?

But now…
My eyes are opened. Maybe it was the act of the Holy Spirit.
I have a new answer since then. And the truth freed me.
So, now (as for you), why not complete this? :

I am here because…

Ah, yes… friendship. It’s easy to obtain, but hard to treasure.
The hardest would be the best.

_

And just when you’ve thought that you’ve gained the true one, you suddenly get second thoughts. Not because of over thinking, but because of suspicions brought up by him.
And ah, it does happen on everyone, don’t you think so? Maybe he says he’ll treasure it like he worships God, but he seems to leave you alone right after leaving you those sweet words.

And yes, when he starts to get closer to others more than he is with you, it’s time to put the friendship to a test. A test that will determine the future of the bond. A test that will measure how much he is willing to share with you. A test that will foresee the fate of the both.

_

"I don’t know what you think, but I’ll always treat you as my best friend"
Well that was what he told me, but I sure did feel comfortable after hearing this. But soon, he seems to talk less often to me, and then, just when I thought that good things are ought to come after the bad, he seems to… oh, I can’t really tell. I don’t see him any longer. One minute he’s there. The other minute, zap.. he’s gone. And this was the reason for the examination… Just find a chance, and then…

_

Test 1:
Bluff him on what I hated most (and that is what he does in his daily life).
I told him about "something" which I hate, but he actually practises it REALLY, REALLY often. Let me see if he continues with his habit. The least I hoped was, not to allow me to witness it with my own eyes, or in other words, not during a conversation with me.
Results: Never was affected. He was with his style all the time. Continued even in front of me, without shame.

_

Test 2:
Tell him that his personality disturbs
Ahem… quite a bad test, but it’s worth a try… Just told him that he has loopholes in the way he conducts his life. Let’s see if he changes and tries to improve it.
Results: Um, firstly, he WARNED me that I might expect someone that I don’t like, and then… He just seems to continue with his style.

_

Test 3:
Call him out for a day
Well, I organised a plan, and invited him. Um… cannot be said just one, but many. This test is not inly good to measure the friendship, but it also strengthens it. Well, it will if he says yes…
Results: Hmm… first he said no, then he appeared with his other friends at the same place… Hurting, isn’t it?

_

Test 4:
Get him jealous
Yea… he did that and now it’s time for him to TASTE HIS OWN MEDICINE!!!! Muahahaha!!! Actually, I’m not THAT bad, I just got someone else to be close with whenever he’s around. After all, he never called me out for a day… This was the same trick I’ve learnt from those romantic TV dramas (Hey, mine is not a love story, but we can surely apply its lesson, right?)
Results: He wasn’t affected at all, but instead… oh yeah, like those TV dramas, he got another to counter me back… in front of me. (I don’t know if it’s his intention, or he just wants to get closer to others rather than me)

_

Test 5:
Ask him what’s wrong
I pretended to look in misery, and then tried asking what he thinks of something. Well, this test was actually caused by luck, because he told ’someone’ that he isn’t happy, and it’s quite related to me somehow. So I just asked him what is wrong.
Results: Whoa! Instead of telling what disturbs him, he was telling me off with all those incorrect statements. I just agreed and said yes, as I’m afraid I might hurt him.
Now, I after hearing those, I really doubt that he is innocent in feeding someone with faulty points about me, which really got me into a BIG trouble.

_

Test 6:
REJECT HIM!!!
LOL, this is truly not a love story, but you can really practice those tactics, I tell you. And so is vice versa, you can practice these strategies in your love life. But I’m not that evil, you know. I’ll not go straight to him and shout out "We’re off" at his face.
Instead, I rejected coming to an event.
OK OK, I know it’s quite confusing, so let me just introduce about it a little. I and ‘him’ are a member of a party and I was required to attend a ceremony organised by the party. I just said no, and waited to see what will happen.
Results: As predicted, he just asked me to come, and then nothing. Okay, that was fine. So i just didn’t show up… Later that day, he messaged me how interesting the activities were and how much fun they had.

_

Well, that’s the end of it… I never thought of anymore test, because I’m VERY, VERY afraid to get the truth. I don’t want to get hurt anymore.

Just the other day, I went hiking and playing computer games in a cyber cafes with my other friends, whom is not linked at all with ‘him’. They are mostly some of my classmates and the class next door, and also some ex-MGS students. I tell you, I really had a great time. I actually kept quite passive that day, because of some alien but friendly faces I face. Haha. And then, one of them showed great concern of my passiveness, unlike some other people I know… To that person: I REALLY HAD A GREAT DAY AND IT WAS FUN! SORRY FOR BEING VERY QUIET BUT THANKS ALOT, I REALLY HAD AN ENJOYABLE MOMENT!!! (yes, I know you’ll be reading this)

_

Yes, I know. I can be very sensitive, and can be very obsessive when it comes to friendship. (Oh, don’t forget that sensitive means alert and aware of the surroundings to every bit of detail, not easily get hurt and emotional)

Me and him? Well, just stopped talking to him, and stopped sending him jokes. Now it’s just like "U Dun Disturb Me, I Dun Disturb U". When I see him we’ll just exchange greetings. That’s all.

Once, he told me that he knows Scorpios; that a Scorpio will slowly leave a friend after getting close to him. And it seems that he’s right. He is slowly losing a Scorpio, all because he has failed to prove to be a good true friend. Now we’re mere acquaintances and we’re back to square one.

_

Oh yea, one more thing that I’ve learnt: Never make friends with those
in your team. They can get really lazy once they’re comfortable with
you.

Just a note for you, if you are the person who is related, keep this to yourself, never ever tell this to anyone, especially to ‘him’. I would really be grateful. (Who knows, I might be testing you by posting this…) LOL!!!
Thanks.

_

P/S:Just joking lar…. I’m just posting to express what I feel inside, not to test you…but I’m not joking about keeping it to yourself part…. I’d really appreciate if you never tell anyone after reading this…

‘Happy Birthday!’

Yes, of course, that’s what people will wish you on your special day - the day where you have completed another year of life.

Recently, I my birthday have passed. It has always been another usual day of my life. However, the recent one was indeed special. This is because I did not get ONLY the greeting.

Some of my friends gave me a present.

Of course, I cannot deny that celebrating my birthday with my family is more important, but this was abit awkward. Usually, I will not celebrate my birthday. But this was the first time that my birthday was celebrated - not by me, but by my friends.

They have enlightened my heart. But dear, please do remember, that the best gift I could ever receive from anyone, is just a friendly hug. An item will only melt me more. I will feel guilty.

Thanks guys!

• Meng Leng
• Michelle
• Pui Lan
• Melissa
• Kok Lin
• Midya
• Su Shien
• Chooi Fern
• Kit May
• Quek

My future? I have been wondering too much. But surely I’ve never been sure that it will be good.
It was the career day. The same day Jian Ming asked me this question:

"What are you going to do after Form 6?"

I didn’t have the clue to answer. Certainly I did not tell the truth, as I’ll be very embarrassed. I know. I will mess up my future so badly. My experience in ACS is bad enough.
Well,it was the same day Michael scolded me. Even though I’ve tried my best for the library. But there’s one thing I’ve never told Michael. I’m very afraid of telling him. He has been advising me a lot, but there’s just one thing. His advices contradicts each other. And it confuses me a lot. And then, I’ll be blamed for not listening to people’s advice.

It was also the same day, Mr Ho advised my class not to be too committed in co-curricular activities. But I didn’t know. Should I listen to him or not.

I am not like Jothis or what. I couldn’t manage my time well. Certainly not being able to cope with my studies. And not being able to spare the time and money for tuition classes did nothing to help.

I’ve always wondered.Too much has been done to improve the library.Too much sweat and tears has been shed for the library. Too much time wasted for he library. But I’ve always wondered. I’m very near to those thousands of books, but I gain nothing from it.

All that I’ve done has been repaid with complaints. All these while, I’ve also been attacked for the doings of the others. Yes, of course, I’m the Head, I’m supposed to supervise them, but will they ever listen to me? I was selected as the leader because I am way too easy to be manipulated.

The response to my works were often bad, usually a sigh as a start. But I cannot complain about this. Maybe I’m just too inexperienced. Or maybe it is because the people under me isn’t doing a good job?

There’s just one more thing. They have been very rude to me, but I’ve kept it quiet all these while. I’ve voiced out once, but no change was noticed.

I’ve spent too much for the library, and I’m dropping out. My pieces are slowly losing their loyalty, and my knowledge of strategy is slowly degenerating. But have they wondered, it is not because of myself, but because of themselves. I have tried to get along with them enough. Have they ever realized, that it is not me that has been too fragile, but they themselves who have been too harsh at handling.
And maybe I should have listened to Mr Ho. If I just can’t take it anymore, I’ll quit. I’ve already lost my passion towards the Board of Student Librarians.

"What are you going to do after your Form 6?"

I’ve answered, "I have no idea."

"Close your eyes tight, mummy has a present for you."

Yes. My mother. The dialog still runs fresh in my mind.

When I was a kid, I had always complained about waking up early to go to school, but on that day, I didn’t. Why? Because my mum wanted to bring me to a place, a place that is very special. It was supposed to be a surprise.

A surprise. A ride with my mum beside the windowsill of the bus was happy enough for me. Bumpy, but I was quickly asleep due to the ecstatic feeling. I leaned on my mother’s arm, and it was as comfortable as my smelly pillow. Except that this time, it’s fragrant.

I woke up, and went out of the bus with my mom, just to find myself on a steep but smooth hill.

"Why did you bring me here, mummy?"

"Close your eyes tight, mummy has a present for you."

****************************************************************************************************************************

My memories of my mum is fading. Being in a boarding school for five years and taking up pharmacy for seven years made it vanish even faster. Now, my mum has aged, but I’ve never visited my mother. We’ve only contacted each other using mails, along with photographs that painted smiles and warmth of a family.

Wait. A family? I’m sorry to mention this, but I only have my mother. My mother is my friend. My mother is my conscience. My mother is my family.

But being apart from my mother made me lose my memories of her. Being in another country for 12 years only made it worse. Still, there is one thing that I will never forget.

"Close your eyes tight, mummy has a present for you."

A present? Mummy’s poor. She shouldn’t be wasting her money to buy me a present!

I was shocked, but I closed my eyes as she pulled my right hand out of my pocket. She handed me something sticky, but soft at the same time.And I gripped it tight.

Softly as I open my eyes, I opened my palm. My heart was thumping hard on my chest, disallowing me to breathe, or to swallow my saliva. I noticed something green on my palm, even though it was dark.

A chrysanthemum.

A chrysanthemum. Can you believe it? Every year, children all over the world receives hundreds of gifts from their parents, but I can tell, that non of them were as delighted as me. My mum has not been able to afford any, but this is the best gift I had ever received. Even though that was the only gift I had received.

"No, not yet. Watch."

Yes, I watched. I witnessed one of the greatest invention of God at that time.

I saw. I eyed it. Exactly the way the sun rose majestically. Exactly the way it casted its golden hue on the hill. Exactly the way it opened my eyes.

A hill full of chrysanthemum! The whole field was gold it colour. It was the sweetest moment of my life. And then, I saw the soft smile of my mother.

****************************************************************************************************************************

A knock on the door. It brought me back to reality.

"Your mum…. She was hospitalised!"

I went weak on my knees. The colour of my face quickly drained away and it went as stiff as a sheet of paper.

What? It wasn’t the news I’ve expected from my friend. But no, now is not the time to argue. Pack my items and quickly visit my mother!

****************************************************************************************************************************

7 hours has passed. But at least I’m on the last train.

Passing through a field of golden paddy reminded me of the time I had with my mother.

"Close your eyes tight, mummy has a present for you."

Ah, better if I drop at this station and get my mother a chrysanthemum.

"I’m sorry, but now is not the time for chrysanthemum."

Disappointment. The statement by the florist is just a disappointment. But who cares? My mother’s health is more important. On I go, continuing my journey, again.

"Oh, she’s in Room 103, on the 5th floor."

Yes, I finally get the chance of meeting my mum. But I should blame myself. Only when she’s sick. I’m visiting her only when she’s sick. I should be ashamed of my self.

Opening the door to room 103 made me feel even more ashamed. I saw the doctor in the room. He was blanketing my mum.

But wait. Why is the doctor carrying a sad smile? Why is he covering beyond my mum’s neck? Is he trying to choke my mum? I quickly rushed in, slamming the door at the same time.

"Forgive me. I have tried my best."

I cried. How could this be? She has yet to see me graduating. She has yet to see me marry the one I love. And worst of all, she has yet to see me saying goodbye to her.

And I cried. I hugged her body tightly, hoping that the warmth will bring her back. It was just then, one of her arms were exposed to the sunlight. It held something green.

Curious enough, I’ve opened her palm.

A Chrysanthemum.

And there was a not attached to it:

"To my dearest son."

Well, there are two kinds of friends in this world.

• One, is the true friend, who will share anything with you, and hope nothing in return.
• The other is the one who will be your friend, merely to use you.

A true friend, to me, is a person, who shares the same interests with me. It doesn’t have to be exactly all, but some similarities will do just fine. Even though it sounds idealistic, but I hope this friend will share almost all of his feelings and thoughts with me. I even hope, that this person is not materialistic, which means willing to share anything with me… Even inviting me to his house And I don’t even have to be shy when I invite him to my house.

And oh, forgot to mention one thing - I hope he is of the same gender with me, as I am very shy when facing girls…

Of course, a true friend should share a lot of time with a friend, and I hope for the same thing. Maybe we can spend lots of time together chatting, or do what we like together - And if can, something that’s about breaking the rules which could be very fun If can he shouldn’t be arrogant, and cares for me a lot.

But the truth is, I have never met such kind of friend, which means only one thing.

It is not that I am saying that my friends are back stabbers. I had some friends backstabbing me, and being my friend merely to ‘use me up’ and ‘dump me to the roadside’ once I am of no use. The rest of my friends are just neutral.

And, I am saying again, I have no true friends. I’ve met one just recently, and thought of being a friend of him, but I’ve discovered something, that the more I get close to him, the more I discover about his attitude. And his attitude really angers me.

Um, not to change the topic to him, back stabbers are the kind of person who wishes to be your friend only to either gain benefits from you, or to overthrow you. And that could either be because of revenge or envy. I’ve met this kind of people frequently. Maybe not as many as those who is working, but certainly I know it’s more than the rest who is in schools.

Maybe because I am living in the fast lane. Time is just not enough for me to do everything. And maybe, this ‘everything’ came from ‘friends’ who are just ‘misusing me’. And maybe, I am getting back stabbers because many are jealous of me.

I’ve realized that, first of all, the teachers are just using me. I have been the goody-ol’-goofy who never rejects any request. I could be either not good at rejecting, or it is just that I did it because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. And they certainly are taking advantage of it. -> And the same thing goes to my friends who like to back stab - Do something wrong and put all the blame on me.

They don’t only put blames on me - they can do all sorts of stuffs, which include talking bad behind my back, trapping me to one corner to overthrow me and being nice to me only when they have something in mind. And this one is the worst, and I hate it the most - discriminating, or even being a racist. Now, just to make it clear, discriminating is a wider word if compared to racist. Anyone can discriminate others due to their language spoken, ranks or social status, just as a few examples.’

I even feel that I’m even more close to my mom and my brother than anyone else in this world. No one knows it - they thought that I’m not close with my brother since we don’t talk much in school. But please do remember, when we’re very close, talking never seems to be important. It’s just that we understand each other.

I really hope, that one day, my dreams will come true. It’s okay, I can continue to withstand those back stabbers, but I really hope that I will get a true friend, the one that will be my one and only BEST FRIEND. And getting friends are important. Very important since they give the most impact to my life.