Arvinraj - Full of brilliant new ideas

My future? I have been wondering too much. But surely I’ve never been sure that it will be good.
It was the career day. The same day Jian Ming asked me this question:

"What are you going to do after Form 6?"

I didn’t have the clue to answer. Certainly I did not tell the truth, as I’ll be very embarrassed. I know. I will mess up my future so badly. My experience in ACS is bad enough.
Well,it was the same day Michael scolded me. Even though I’ve tried my best for the library. But there’s one thing I’ve never told Michael. I’m very afraid of telling him. He has been advising me a lot, but there’s just one thing. His advices contradicts each other. And it confuses me a lot. And then, I’ll be blamed for not listening to people’s advice.

It was also the same day, Mr Ho advised my class not to be too committed in co-curricular activities. But I didn’t know. Should I listen to him or not.

I am not like Jothis or what. I couldn’t manage my time well. Certainly not being able to cope with my studies. And not being able to spare the time and money for tuition classes did nothing to help.

I’ve always wondered.Too much has been done to improve the library.Too much sweat and tears has been shed for the library. Too much time wasted for he library. But I’ve always wondered. I’m very near to those thousands of books, but I gain nothing from it.

All that I’ve done has been repaid with complaints. All these while, I’ve also been attacked for the doings of the others. Yes, of course, I’m the Head, I’m supposed to supervise them, but will they ever listen to me? I was selected as the leader because I am way too easy to be manipulated.

The response to my works were often bad, usually a sigh as a start. But I cannot complain about this. Maybe I’m just too inexperienced. Or maybe it is because the people under me isn’t doing a good job?

There’s just one more thing. They have been very rude to me, but I’ve kept it quiet all these while. I’ve voiced out once, but no change was noticed.

I’ve spent too much for the library, and I’m dropping out. My pieces are slowly losing their loyalty, and my knowledge of strategy is slowly degenerating. But have they wondered, it is not because of myself, but because of themselves. I have tried to get along with them enough. Have they ever realized, that it is not me that has been too fragile, but they themselves who have been too harsh at handling.
And maybe I should have listened to Mr Ho. If I just can’t take it anymore, I’ll quit. I’ve already lost my passion towards the Board of Student Librarians.

"What are you going to do after your Form 6?"

I’ve answered, "I have no idea."

~ by arvinraj2 on October 1, 2007.